child custody - disagreement in child custody

What to Do When You Can’t Agree on Child Custody

When parents of a child can’t agree on how to raise their child, it can create a lot of tension between the parents. One parent may want to live in the “traditional” way, while the other may have an alternative parenting style.

There is no perfect answer and no easy solution, but you can use these tips for an easier conversation when these disagreements come up.

Let the Child Decide

It may seem like a strange answer, but letting a child decide their custody can be easier than telling them they have to live with one parent or the other. That being said, you don’t let the child decide on which parent to live with.

Instead, let them decide how much time they want to spend with each parent and what activities they want to do. Letting them make these decisions will make them feel more in control and more relaxed about the situation.

Get Clear on the Parenting Relationship

It’s essential to keep the parenting relationship between you and the other parent intact. It means both parents should be involved in a relationship with their child.

You don’t want the child to resent one parent because they don’t get to see that parent as often or have them involved in activities. Letting them know you value their perspective will help avoid this problem.

Make Sure Your Child Has a Timely Visitation Plan

If you and the other parent can’t agree with what the visitation schedule should be, you may want to consider hiring a mediator. A mediator like a family law attorney will help you develop a schedule that works for both of you.

Having a timetable for visitation will help your child keep track of when they’ll be seeing each parent, which will make them feel more in control of the situation.

Make Sure You Have a Safety Plan in Place

Another thing that parents often disagree on is how to keep their children safe during visitation. It’s important to have a safety plan in place if your child will visit another home or if they’ll be traveling with their other parent.

A safety plan should include who the child can have in their home, how the parents will communicate about where they are, and what they can do if their child is in danger.

Create a New Agreement About Finances

If both of you want to be included in paying for child support or alimony, having a new agreement can be effective. Some circumstances may make it difficult to include both of you financially.

For example, you may live with your partner and have an agreement that the other parent doesn’t pay any child support until they move out of your home. By creating a new agreement, you can make your financial situation better.

Be Careful with Legal Action

If you and the other parent disagree so significantly that you’re thinking of contacting a lawyer, it’s important to be careful what you agree to. Sometimes one parent will agree to something they later regret because they were so frustrated by their situation.

If they had taken the time to think about the consequences of the decision, they might have realized it was a bad idea. So make sure you take your time before making any legal decisions that could change your life for years!

Focus on Your Child's Security

It is the most important thing to remember during this situation. No matter what you and the other parent argue about or how you can’t agree on something, make sure your child has a sense of security.

When they’re in your home, they’ll feel safe and secure with their routines and schedule. It will help them understand that they still have a place to go no matter what happens.

Remember to Keep the Lines of Communication Open

In most situations where you and your ex-partner can’t agree on something, you’re both feeling frustrated and stressed out about this situation. One of the main tips to remember is to keep open lines of communication. If you can talk calmly to each other, you’ll be able to settle problems quickly and easily without fighting as much.


When a couple can no longer agree on how to raise their child, it can result in fights and stress between the husband and wife. You and your spouse can take many steps to make better decisions. One of those steps involves involving a family law attorney to help you amend the child custody agreement if you two can not agree.

Letting your child decide how they want to get custody is easier than telling how they’ll live with each parent. Parents should also remember to work on the parenting relationship between them and the other parent.

Find out more about your child custody rights today.